The Polka Dot Pajamas Affair
Illya lay back in the bathtub feeling the accumulated grime of a hundred muddy puddles slowly dissolve from his aching body. As the water soothed his tired muscles, he resolved that his next apartment was going to have a bathtub as well as a shower. And not just any tub...oh no, it was going to be one as big and as comfortable as this one, with gold plated taps, like this one, and he would have a water boiler big enough to fill it up to the brim. With a sigh Illya slid further down in the tub until his head was just resting comfortably on the edge of the tub. Ah, this indeed was luxury. Maybe it was a good thing to have returned from an arduous mission only to be told that there had been an infestation in the apartment next to his and the exterminators had sealed off the entire floor for a week. And maybe it was a very good thing that he had such a fine friend as Napoleon who had offered him the use of his spare room and his exceedingly fine bathtub until his own apartment was habitable indeed.
The sudden knocking on the door startled Illya. Trying to sit up quickly, he only succeeded in sliding under the water and swallowing a mouthful of it. Coughing and spluttering, his relaxed mood thoroughly shattered, he clung to the side of the tub as he tried to catch his breath. Okay, maybe not such a good friend after all!
The knocking came again, followed by Napoleon's voice, "Illya? Are you all right in there?"
Grabbing one of the towels that Napoleon had left for him, Illya climbed out of the tub and hurriedly wrapped it round his waist before unlocking the door. "What is it Napoleon?"
Napoleon appeared to have lost the power of speech for a few seconds and Illya was starting to feel rather uncomfortable under his gaze. "Napoleon? What do you want?"
Pulling himself together Napoleon said "Ah, I, er...pajamas...I said I'd lend you a pair. But um, the laundry...yes, the laundry for the week hasn't been returned yet, so I only have the one spare set." He awkwardly thrust the bundle of cloth he was carrying into Illya's hands.
Illya took the clothing and almost did a double take as he looked at it. An evil grin appeared on his face. "I would not have picked you for a man who wore polka-dot pajamas, Napoleon?"
Napoleon struggled to retain his dignity as he answered, "Actually, I've never worn them. They were a present from my dear Aunt Amy, and I couldn't hurt her feelings by giving them away." He waited until a look of understanding had appeared on Illya's face before adding, "And if you're thinking of spreading this around Headquarters, just remember..." He prodded Illya's bare chest "you are going to be the one wearing them."
The memory of Illya standing dripping in a towel was making made it very hard for Napoleon to sleep that night. After what seemed like several hours of tossing and turning, he finally decided enough was enough. Grabbing his robe, he tied it around him as he made his way out into the darkened hallway.
There wasn't much illumination in the hallway, but there was just enough for Napoleon to make his way towards the living area without switching on a light. And there was ample for him to make out a shadowy figure about half way down the hall. The figure had its back to Napoleon as it pulled on the handle to the guest bedroom...the room where Illya lay sleeping, unaware of the impending danger. That was the only coherent thought in Napoleon's mind as he silently lunged forward, grabbing the figure and knocking it to the ground.
The figure struggled violently, but Napoleon had the element of surprise on his side and ended up sitting astride his opponent, pinning his wrists to the ground. "Okay," he said in a low growl. "Just how did you get in without setting off the alarms, and what were you doing?"
"You let me in through the front door, and I was just returning from the bathroom," replied Illya, in a tone of mild exasperation.
"Illya?" said Napoleon. He leaned forward until their faces were only a few inches apart and noticed the half amused half exasperated expression on his partner's face. And that wasn't all he noticed. "Um, you do realize you're naked..."
"I had noticed that fact, Napoleon. I appreciated the offer...but polka dots do nothing for my complexion."
"So you didn't wear them."
"I believe we've already covered that point." Illya shifted slightly under Napoleon. "Are you going to let me up or do you plan to stay here all night?"
"On whether that's a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me..."
"As I believe you've already pointed out...I'm naked..." There was now a large grin on Illya's face.
"Well that'll save some time," replied Napoleon, an equally large grin on his face as he lowered it towards Illya's until their lips touched briefly. Pulling back, he waited for Illya's reaction.
"There's just one problem with this picture."
"And that is?" asked Napoleon half afraid that maybe he had gone too far.
With a quick jerk of his wrists, Illya rolled over until he was now astride his partner. Leaning down, he hissed in Napoleon's ear. "I prefer to be on top."
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