Love Trust Break
I do not own these characters. They are owned by someone else. They are NOT owned by me. This is my first try at fan fiction with these two. Please be kind.
It was three years ago today that we found him. He was in horrible shape. He had been tortured heavily and when we found him it looked like he was in the middle of another long session. When I approached the table he was strapped to, his eyes were open but unseeing. When I called his name I received no reaction. I gently undid the straps holding his naked body to the table and he didn't move, didn't flinch, didn't acknowledge me in any way. The other agents around me moved quickly to secure the building but all I could concentrate on was the slight blond man before me. A medical team came in and shoved me out of the way and proceeded to lift him up onto the gurney and out the door. I had to stay behind to finish the clean up but as soon as that was done I rushed back to headquarters to check on my damaged partner.
When I arrived, I asked at the counter where he had been taken. The nurse, I forgot her name at the time, pointed me in the direction and I walked quickly to the room. Inside I saw Dr Ford and some nurses working at trying to revive my partner. I could also see they were getting no response. His eyes had been closed but I had a feeling that someone else did it not him. I waited outside the room until they noticed me. Then Dr Ford came out and spoke with me.
"Napoleon we are working on him. But they had him for a long time. We are assessing the damage done to him but it is extensive."
I couldn't say anything I just nodded and let him continue his work. That day was the start of the longest down point in my life. Though his body healed over the weeks, never did he regain his mind. I sat with him every day and every night for the first month. Then Mr. Waverly said that I had to start taking back some of my responsibilities as CEA. I resented it at first but knew I would have to do it. Illya would wanted it that way. Mr. Waverly took pity on me though and very rarely sent me out on missions instead tutoring me for when I would take over for him. But only during the day, at night I still stayed with him. They brought a bed in for me and I slept every night next to my partner. It was four long months before I saw any improvement in my friend.
It was late at night and I was sitting next to the bed holding Illya's hand. I was reading to him a book that I knew he loved and hoped it would start to bring him around. I was just turning a page when I felt a slight stirring in my hand. I looked down and found that the fingers hand tightened just slightly around them. I was overjoyed that my friend was starting to respond. I read to him the rest of the night but didn't get any other response. When I left in the morning to go about my duties I reported the response I had received. Dr Ford who was his primary doctor was full of encouragement and said it was a positive sign. When I came back that night to resume my watch I learned that a nurse had been assigned to watch him and read him something else. I was glad they didn't read the book I was reading to him. I also learned they had received no response from him.
I took my place next to him put his hand in mine and started up where I left off. It was only two hours later that I received another squeeze of the hand and another an hour after that. The next morning I again told the doctor and again he encouraged me. Mr. Waverly even came down to see how the younger agent was doing.
"Mr. Solo you are doing a remarkable job with Mr. Kuryakin keep up the good work." He then left without another word.
There were slight changes in his condition but nothing to pin my hopes on over the next two weeks. Every-night I would hold his hand and read to him and he would squeeze it, but only for me. He never responded to another voice or hand. I was humbled by the implied trust he placed in me and made sure he knew that he was always safe with me. During the third week is when there was a real breakthrough in his condition. I was reading to him when my new partner came to join me.
Now Andrew Scott is a very capable agent. I resented that he was now section two number two but Illya was unable to preform those duties and we needed someone who could. Andrew knew that he was not my partner in the truest sense of the word but just the man I would work with from time to time. Because he never imposed on me and he truly was looking forward to the day that Illya could resume his position I worked with him. He came to me late at night in the middle of the week and stood in the door way. His face was in shadow as he leaned against the door frame watching us. I knew he was there but I ignored him, this was Illya's time. The only time I looked up from my book was when I heard a slight hiss from him. I looked up into his green eyes and found them not looking at me but at my true partner and they were full of surprise. I turned to look at my russians face and blue eyes looked back at me. I didn't even know I was crying when I looked up and saw him looking at me. Andrew stayed back just watching not saying anything for, he later admitted to me, fear something bad would happen. I didn't care I just slowly stood up and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. He continued to look at me and that was when I think my heart almost broke. For though his eyes held nothing but trust that is all they held. There was no recognition in them of me, where he was or I think even who he was. He closed them just a few moments later to my disappointment but I at least had more to hope for.
"Napoleon?" Andrew called to me. "Do you want me to get the doctor?" I thought about it but then said no. Morning was soon enough to tell the doctor and Illya would no doubt resent the interruption of his nap. "Very well Napoleon. Try and get some sleep sir, we have that meeting in the morning." He then with a respectful bow to Illya that surprised me he left us alone.
The next morning I reported my progress to the doctor who was extremely pleased with the progress I was making. When I went to the meeting I found that Andrew had reported it to Waverly already and he made sure the meeting was quickly ended. He then proceeded to order me back to medical to help in the progress of Illya's recovery. I was happy to obey.
I returned back to medical only to find two doctors and 5 nurses in Illya's room. I was worried that something had happened to him, something had only good. Illya was awake and looking around at his surroundings. The staff were trying to get responses from him but he ignored them. Or it seemed to me that he didn't ignore them so much as wasn't aware they were around. When I stepped into the room his eyes immediately latched onto mine and wouldn't let go. When a nurse mistakenly tried to push me out Illya made a slight whimper of protest, that stopped everyone cold. I pushed my way into the room and to his bedside. I took his hand in my own and watched as he finally relaxed his guard and just looked at me. When he finally closed his eyes and I knew he was asleep I turned to the waiting staff.
"Mr. Solo." Dr Ford started. "Judy here came into watch him just like normal when you leave and it wasn't long before he woke up. She immediately called for help and we have been doing our best to illicit more responses from him." I just nod to him and keep holding my friends hand. "It would seem though that he only responds to you. I am going to ask Waverly if you can be assigned lighter assignments for a while." I just nod again and that was that.
Over the next few weeks Illya began to be more active waking up and staying up for longer. Never did he acknowledge anyone else but me in that time. The only thing I really worried about was the fact that other then a whimper every once in a while he never made a sound. Never said anything, never asked for anything and never demanded to be sent home. I found out why at the end six weeks.
I was sitting reading to him and knew he was watching me. I could tell something was going to be different this time and I didn't want to push him. What came out was more a surprise then I though it should be.
"Nap...Nap...Napoleon?" I look at my friend and smile at the effort he put into saying my name. I put down the book I was reading and gave him my full attention.
"Yes Illya?" Then he looks strangely at me. As if he hadn't been address like that before. It took only a moment before many clues that had been scattered came to together as a whole. His mind had been wiped clean. There was nothing for him to work with, not even his own name. He had been studying everyone trying to learn, trying to figure out how to talk on his own. And the first thing he said was my name as if he wasn't sure if that was correct.
"Yes my name is Napoleon and your name is Illya."
"Illlyyyyaaa?" I could see him tasting the name on his tongue and becoming familiar with it. It hurt to know now the depth that his mind had been played with. I reached out a hand and cupped his check and was surprised when he leaned into the touch so much. I could see him sigh with pleasure before he shocked me again with his vocabulary.
"Love. Trust. Break." I did not know what to make of those three words for he said them with complete confidence unlike when saying our names. He soon closed his eyes again and fell asleep. My hand was still cupping his cheek.
It seemed those words were the breakthrough in his recovery. For he made rapid progress in learning which for Illya was nothing new. He tore through every book we gave him to read and learned everything we could teach him or so we thought. He had to be taught everything and was only cooperative when I was around. Not even Mr. Waverly had any power over him anymore. I was his world and he seemed perfectly happy to have it that way. I spent as much time as I could with him but when I had to leave he sunk into a mild depression that only sleeping or books could help him with. We gave him a few starter books in other languages and that is when we came to our first wall. He was unable to process any other language. It was russian since he is russian and we thought that would be the language he would remember best. He looked at it for a time couldn't understand anything even though it was a simple picture book and finally put it aside for something he could read.
When he was finally released from medical he wouldn't leave his room until I showed up to take him home. He then walked very close to me and a little behind and whenever someone came up to wish him well he fully hid behind me. No one was offended for all had heard the story but some wondered at his devotion to me and his complete trust in me from the very beginning. I also wondered but didn't question it to much. That he trusted me was the most important thing to me and the only thing that was reaching him right now.
We reached my car and I opened the door for him. I had to show him how a seat belt works and he was fascinated by how the car worked. Great I would have to teach him to drive just like a father and a teenager. But that was for another day. I took him to his apartment and opened the door for him. I disabled and re-enabled the alarm while he looked around. I could tell nothing in the room was familiar to him. He went to the large collection of books and studied them. He pulled a few down but most he couldn't read so he left them. I watched and studied him and he went around and around again and my hopes began to fall. My Illya I could tell was gone. In his place was a shadow of what I once had but I wasn't going to lose this last piece of him. I walked over to where he was standing and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't start or try and get away. He accepted it and even encouraged me to hold him. I think he liked it.
"Illya this place belongs to a friend of mine but it doesn't look like he is here right now. Do you want to go to my place?"
"Yes Napoleon that would be fine. Will I ever meet this friend of yours?" I look into his innocent blue eyes and want to tell him no but stop myself. Someday he may come back instead I answer him as best I could.
"Maybe someday he isn't here very often and it is hard to get hold of him."
"Sometimes Napoleon you have to grab hold of what you want and never let go. It might be the one chance you ever get to have it."
He didn't know how right he was. I took him to my place and set him up in my spare room. From now on I don't let Illya out of my sight and he lives with me now. He is very happy with the arrangement and so am I. It feels very comforting to come home to a warm welcome and food on the table. For with his wiped mind and needing to learn everything over again he actually learned to cook. Nothing fancy but nothing poisoned and we were both happy and content. Mr. Waverly gave him a job that wouldn't stress his still far to fragile mind but also would keep him out of the main areas of headquarters. He had access to the cafeteria and only he never knew that you had to pay for you food there. Waverly set him up with an allowance that the cafeteria was more then happy to oblige. But the wily old man still made me pay for my food. Grrrrrrrrr
Illya also had access to the gym and firing range though, after shooting himself in the foot three times with a sleep dart he steered clear of guns from then on. In the gym we could all see some of his old style for while the mind controls the body the body remembers its training. The moves he made were crude but there was a grace and style from the old ways. He never became very proficient preferring to do his job of reading through various reports and determining if there was a pattern in any of them.
I look back fondly on days gone by and how my life is turning now. I would never wish for him to go through those months again but something good eventually came out of it. I have resigned myself to knowing that the Illya that was my first partner will never return to me. But instead I have a new and completely redefined partner that means the world to me in a new and completely natural way.
I look down beside me at the blond hair that lightly brushes my chest. I stroke it knowing that Illya won't wake, not like he used to in the old days. I marvel at how I came to be worthy of such a man and never once do I take the days he gives me for granted. For once just over a year ago I almost lost him again and I vowed then and there that I would not lose him no matter what the cost.
I was at work when he was brought in. He was rushed to the Uncle medical ward and prepped for emergency surgery. He had been shot as one of many innocent bystanders in a gang related shooting. He had used his own body to save the life of two little girls that he did not know. Even as his body was lifted away the mother could not stop crying and thanking the unknown man for saving her girls lives. They are friends now and he visits them every once in a while. But when he was in surgery and I stood waiting to hear whether he would live or die I resolved that I would tell him my feelings for him. I have loved that blond man for a long time and honestly in that time I thought it was a brotherly type of love. Only when this latest threat to his life and knowing he didn't know how to protect himself did I realize that it was a love geared toward lovers not brothers.
It was three hours before he came out of surgery and placed in ICU. Then the waiting really began. I was allowed next to his beside and held his hand just like I have done many many times. Only this time it would be different, this time I would tell him my feelings and ride out whatever storm came from it. I would not, could not live my life now without him knowing my feelings about him.
Illya woke the next day moaning and wondering what happened. I was right by his side and once he realized who I was he smiled at me comforted. He had no reason to feel this way but just by me being there he seemed to get the impression that he would be fine. Oh what a strong man he is.
"Illya how do you feel?" He looks at me for a moment then down at his body. I can see memory coming back in his eyes and of all things humor.
"Umm like I've been shot." Smart ass russian just quirked an eyebrow at me like old times.
"ha ha smart ass, now how do you feel? The doctor will be here any second." My concern poured out of my voice and I saw a spark of something in his eyes. In a voice I had not heard in two years he said.
"I'll be fine." Now it wasn't close to his standard I'm fine but it was shocking to hear it anyway. I didn't get a chance to say anything else for Dr Ford showed up at that point.
"Ah Illya good of you to join us. Your going to be staying here for a while. Nice sized hole in your shoulder and your belly. But with your usual stubbornness and I'll be damned attitude your going to pull through just fine."
I see Illya look over at me and see his confusion. I remember he doesn't remember what happened in his former life. All he has is two years of history now. I start to explain but the doctor goes on.
"Now son your going to need to take your medicine and not argue with us about it okay?"
Illya of course nods for he doesn't remember he hates hospitals and everything associated with them. I can see him settle in calmly while the doctor injects something into his IV. In just a few minutes Illya is fast asleep.
"Napoleon don't break down on him now. He needs you. The only reason he was calm about everything is because you were there to help him."
"Don't worry I plan on being there for him for a long time to come." Something in my voice must have given me away for he looks at me strangely. From the looks of it, it seems a mixture of pride and relief. All he says to me is.
"It's about damn time." He then walks out of the room and leaves me to my thoughts.
A week later and it is time for Illya to go home. The staff though wishing that Illya had recovered his memory are glad now of his docilely in medical. Makes their jobs much easier and I can leave him for a time and not worry that he is going to walk out on his own. I arrive at his room to find he is dressed and ready to go. His arm is in a sling as it will remain for another few weeks and he walks gingerly cause of the stitching in his stomach. He looks up at me and again I am assaulted by the trust held in those eyes for me. And again I think to myself I will never betray that trust though how he knew he could trust me I will never know.
"Ready to go my friend?" I ask, eager now to be home so I can tell him how I feel.
"I guess so. I don't know about my stomach. I'm hungry but they won't let me eat anything good for another three weeks." I smile at this for it was the first thing that came back when he finally remembered he was human. He still likes to eat and eat plenty.
"Don't worry I am a wonder at making soups." He just gives me a dirty look on the way out of the room. I watch his back like I used to and notice something strange. He is walking a little differently. Oh I know he is hurt and all but something is just slightly off. After a few steps it is gone and I dismiss it. He was just getting his stride set with a hole in his stomach.
I drive us both home. He sleeps in the passenger seat as if he didn't have a care in the world. Which for the most part he doesn't. He has a simple job for that is all that once frighteningly intelligent mind can handle and he lives with his best friend. I hope that he will have the strength to hear what I want to tell him tonight. I will put it off though if I think he can't handle it.
We make it to our place fairly quickly with rush hour traffic around us. And I help him up the steps into the plaza and then to the elevator. I press the private button that will take us up to the penthouse and keep a firm grip on Illya's arm. I am so thankful for this. Anything that allows me to touch him just a little bit more. As the door opens to our home he steps out first and nearly collapses from exhaustion, I grab his arm and steer him towards his room. I help him get out of his street clothes and into his pajamas then he slides into bed. He is asleep before his head hits the pillow. Oh well there is always tomorrow to tell him how I feel. I glance once more at the blond man and close the door quietly. He never noticed.
The next morning I wake up and stretch slowly luxuriating in the feeling. Then I dress and check on Illya to find him still sleeping soundly. I smile to myself and go to fix breakfast. I make myself some toast and eggs then set about making a nice wholesome soup that will keep all day for I know he is going to want food at odd hours. When I finish I hear the first signs of life coming from the other room. I put down my spoon and go to Illya's room. I open the door and see the first stirrings of life, he is stretching as best as he can.
"Morning sunshine want some help getting up." He just smiles and holds out his good arm. I gently pull him up and help him to the bathroom. When he is done I take him into the living room and help him sit on the couch. I go into the kitchen reach into a cupboard and pull out a mug then spoon some soup into it. Then taking two crackers that the doctor said he was allowed per day walked back into the living room.
"Illya here you go nice and warm with lots of flavor." I watch as he puts one of the crackers aside for later and slowly sip at the broth. I can see he is pleased by it and inwardly I am pleased as well. He takes his time with his breakfast and I take my time trying to think of a way to tell him. I don't even notice as he lowers his mug from his lips and stares at me. I finally notice when he speaks to me.
"Napoleon why are you looking at me so intensely. I will get better you don't have to worry." I shouldn't be surprised but every once in a while his accent-less voice startles me. I just wait to see if he will say more. When he stays silent I realize it is now time to tell him.
"Illya I would like to tell you something. Something very important and I would like it if you would not interrupt me until I'm done." I can see him think about what I said then put down his mug and grab the blanket from the back of the couch and wrap it around him.
"Very well Napoleon speak and I will listen until you say I may speak." I see him settle down and wait. I take a deep breath and proceed to tell him how I now feel.
"Illya we have been together a long time. In that time we have saved each other many ways and many times." I see him nod but there was no spark of recognition in his eyes. "Illya I care for you very much. More then I thought was even possible and when I found out you had been shot I lost it. I don't want to ever go through that again.
Illya looks at me with no expression on his face. I can see he is puzzled but willing to wait for me.
"Illya please believe me when I say this. I love you. I can't work, can't sleep, can't eat, can't live without you knowing how I feel. I can't seem to function any more unless I know you are safe from harm. The problem is I can't think of you being safe other then with me." I keep looking down out my hands not able to look him in the eye. I continue speaking. "Illya, I love you and I want you with me for the rest of my life. I want to be there for you and I want you to be there for me." I finally look up when I feel a hand on my shoulder, Illya is there looking down on me with the strangest expression on his face. I lean back and he takes that as an invitation to sit next to me. He still hasn't said anything. He takes both my hands in his and looks at me. Then cupping his hands around mine brings them up to his face and gently rubs on them. He finally smiles at me and I can see the love he bestows on me though he stays silent. I just look into his eyes for the longest time and marvel at what he is giving me. He just keeps looking at me smiling and holding my hands but not saying anything. I start to get nervous as he continues to say nothing, finally I speak up.
"Illya say something. Tell me how you feel."
"Thank you Napoleon. You had asked me not to speak until you told me I could."
I could just about strangle the little blond bastard for doing that to me but I want to hear what he has to say to much.
"Napoleon I would be more then pleased and happy to spend the rest of my life with you. You have stuck with me through all the problems I have been forced to place at your feet. When I first woke up I didn't know anyone or anything. I didn't remember anything but when I saw you I felt overwhelming trust. That you of all people I could trust. Napoleon I love you more then my own life and if it makes you happy, safe, secure and at peace to have me by your side then I will stay.
And he did. Never again did he get hurt. He took every self defense course he could and read as much as possible. He was always careful and spent a lot of time watching out for strangers. He rarely talked to people out side of work and stayed at the apartment when I had to be away. All to give me peace of mind when I couldn't be with him. I worried about him and didn't enjoy the fact that he did these things but I didn't ask him to stop. I just felt more comfortable knowing he was safe.
I look down at the blond head and smile fondly. He shares my life and he shares my bed and never does he worry me with the thought he might leave. He is mine and I am his. I don't even need to worry about work or blackmail. Everyone knows about us and all are happy with this arrangement thinking it was about time it happened.
Illya is waking now and I can see it is going to be another hard morning on him. Every day now for two weeks he has been waking up with migraine size headaches. They go away soon after he wakes but the doctors don't know what to do with him. They have tried various drugs and nothing seems to help. He wakes now.
"o moya bol'aschaya golova." He groaned squinting his eyes at the sliver of sunrise coming through the bedroom window. (0h my aching head)
He surprises the hell out of me for he said it in russian and Illya does not know russian. He continues to squint as he wakes up, placing a hand on his head as if that might help the pain.
"Napoleon would you please shoot me and put me out of my misery." he groans as he slumps back into the bed.
"Illya what did you just say?" He looks at me funny and starts to repeat. "Napoleon would you please"... "No no before that. You said something else." He looks at me like I grew another head before replying.
"I said, Oh my aching head."
"Yes but you said it in Russian."
"No I didn't. I don't know russian. You know that Napoleon."
I look at him in puzzlement and wonder if I heard him wrong. Finally deciding it was not worth pursuing at this point I get up out of bed. Illya sits up and admires the view of my backside before sliding out of his side of the bed. Quickly we both dress and proceed to the kitchen. Illya goes to the stove and starts heating up pans while I pull out the makings for breakfast.
"Napoleon I need to be at work early today. I have some projects that I want to finish."
I look at him startled. Illya didn't have any projects, not in job he now has. His old job I remember various projects of his that needed to be finished. Some no one knew what they were about and finally had to put them to the side in the storage locker.
"Umm Illya what projects are you talking about?"
"Oh nothing much just a few books I would like to read and go over. I feel they might help me with some decoding."
"Oh okay not a problem."
Soon we finished our breakfast and cleaned the dishes. We get into my car and head into work. We go into Del Flores and Wanda gives us our badges to wear. I noticed that Illya looks a little confused at the number on his which is 34 now. But he takes it anyways and places it on his lapel. Then I follow him to his office which is on a different floor then mine. This was another ritual of ours. Illya can go most places freely in Uncle but I always felt safer knowing I walked him to his office. I also pick him up at it when it is time to go. I smile at my friend and turn to leave but again I sense some slight confusion on his part.
"Illya are you alright?"
He starts and quickly turns to face me. His face open to me but his eyes guarded. I haven't seen that look in them in years and don't know what to think.
"Yes Napoleon just a leftover of the headache I think. Just need some time to let the medicine work."
"Very well. Let me know if you want to go home early and I'll take you."
"Thanks." Then he shows me a certain shyness I find irresistible. I lean over him quickly and give him a gentle kiss. I then turn and head back to my office.
I spend the day going over reports and briefing with fellow agents. Andrew shares my office and I find him already busy at the reports. That is one thing he shares in common with Illya. I normally can get him to do the reports but Waverly has complained more cause he can tell the difference between when I do them and he does. I think he just likes to complain cause nothing ever comes of it. He misses the russian as well. At the end of the day I go to Illya's office and hear laughter coming from the other side of the door. Never one to miss a joke I open the door to see Illya with his feet up on a desk and a heavy tome in his hand. I take a good look a the cover and goggle over it.
"Illya what's so funny? I didn't know you were interested in the Scientific journal."
"Normally I'm not but one of the guys from the lab gave it to me so I decided to try it on my lunch break. I have found many interesting passages in it. I didn't know science could be this funny." He reads another passage and laughs out loud. I come around to look over his shoulder and its all greek to me. I can't tell what is so funny.
"Well if your ready sir-laughs-a-lot we should be getting home." I see that he immediately puts the journal away in his bag and then locks up. In just a few minutes we are on our way home. We decide to stop for chinese and eat in. Illya orders kung pao chicken which normally he doesn't like and then eats it with relish. I start to wonder but don't give in to hope. Just another side affect of his horrible condition.
The week past with little to distinguish it. We went to work, we ate and continued on with our lives. The next week though I had to take a trip to london that would last for three days. During those three days I knew that my little russian would be staying at home eating what was in the kitchen and keeping himself amused while waiting for me. After he was shot Illya made it clear from that point forward that I was his number one priority. He knew that I worried about him when I was gone so he made a point of keeping himself safe by not going out at all when I was gone. Surprised the hell out of people when he called in to work saying he wasn't going to be coming in that first time. He loved work but my peace of mind was more important to him then work. When he made it clear that whenever I was gone he would be staying at home safe Waverly had a few choice words with him. Illya barked right back and now when I have to go abroad for meetings we generally know in advance and Illya brings work home. He still doesn't leave the house and only opens the door as far as the specialty reinforced chains allow for someone he knows and more importantly to him that I know and trust. Normally that is April or Mark.
The meetings had gone on forever. Much was accomplished and I was satisfied with the results. We had received the proper funding and I was beginning to collect favors from other people. I was starting to collect the power I would need when I finally assumed Waverly's chair. I caught the first flight to New York and slept most of the way home. I was met at the airport by an agent and escorted to headquarters. Something very suspicious was going on for during the entire debriefing, Waverly had this look in his eye that told me something had happened. Old man never told me what was going on of course. When he finally dismissed me I made my way happily but tiredly to our apartment. I took the elevator up to the penthouse and knocked in our secret code. I heard the locks and chains being taken off and prepared to be hugged. Illya always hugs me when I get back, let us both know we're still here. Instead I see the door opened a crack and a single blue eye looking back at me.
"Illya it's me you can open the door."
"Hump I don't know, you could have been followed." But he opens the door anyways and I look around in amazement. The house is a disaster area. There are blankets thrown all over along with clothes scattered. The furniture has been moved and the kitchen from what I could see of it was in serious need of cleaning.
"My god Illya. What happened? Are you alright?" He smiles at me and puts down what he had been holding.
It was his special.
Not my spare gun. Not a newer gun from the armory. But his own special that I had locked up in a special place I knew he knew nothing about. Or at least I thought he didn't know anything about it. I look into his eyes and they widen as he watches my reaction. And I saw it, some of his old mannerisms are coming back. One that seemed to be back was his fondness of me being uncomfortable.
Damn blond russian elf for bringing that back if nothing else.
"Illya what happened?" I ask him again.
"Well Thrush decided to come knocking." As soon as he said that I started to get angry. Anyone who hurt my lover would be coming down with a serious case of death in the non to distance future. Illya could see this in my eyes and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. He led me to the couch and sat me down in it. He promptly laid down and placed his head in my lap and took my hand and placed it on his head. He knows this is one of the positions that I really enjoy and brings me a sense of peace. I start to stroke his head and when he feels some of the tension leaving me he begins to explain.
"Well like I said Thrush decided to stop by and see if I was home. Of course I told them I wasn't and they didn't seem to believe me. Well they started to pound the door down and climb though the terrace window. They didn't know that on a previous trip you took that Waverly had decided to reinforce the entire penthouse, they were having a bitch of a time getting in. I called to Waverly letting him know what was going on and he sent back up. I on the other hand started tearing apart the apartment looking for my gun." He pauses and looks up at me for a moment and I see the most unusual expression on his face, before I can identify it he moves on. "Napoleon it wasn't very nice of you to hide my gun in the space behind the toilet. Took me forever to get the tile out and pry out the box. Why did you put it there anyways?"
Yep he had found my secret stash. I have to give him a reason quick otherwise I may never hear the end of this.
"Illya I put it there cause I just couldn't stand looking at it anymore." He silences me with a finger on my lips and I know I no longer need to speak. I can see pain in his eyes, he knows that he was once more but that life is now gone from him. He always feels that he failed in someway and I have to convince him he did nothing wrong and there was nothing he could do about it. This time though that pain is gone from his eyes. Yes there was still pain but something I never expected to see. A pleading to wait and see. He raises himself up once he is convinced that I will be fine. He continues to tell me about the failed kidnapping attempt and soon had me laughing as he related how the bad guys were eventually caught.
"Then Charlie sat on the last agent knocking the breath out of them and attached the cuffs. It was all very amusing and quickly cleaned up."
"Did you let anyone into the apartment while I was gone Illya?" I was very curious to see if he opened the door for uncle agents.
"Well actually I had to. I was given express orders from Mr. Waverly himself." I was impressed, normally Illya could care less what the old man thought when it came to making me happy. That he opened the door must mean something significant.
"And when did he give you this order?"
"When he was standing outside of that door. Even then I didn't really want to but when he started putting in his own personal override control and a man with the extra strength bolt cutters showed up I had to let them in. Medical wanted to look me over and when I wouldn't let them in that's when they called in Waverly." He grimaced at the memory and the through scolding he had received from Napoleons superior and shuddered hoping never to repeat that.
I smile as I think of the scolding Mr Waverly would give him by having to make a special trip out to see him. That is another reason my trips are planned very well. Illya is still extremely stubborn and won't open the door for anything if he could help it.
"Well as long as your okay I should be as well. What's for dinner?"
He stands and saunters into the kitchen and comes out with a lovely tray holding bite size pieces of food. I know what he has in mind then, it was the same thing as what I had on my mind. He proceeds to feed me as I return the service. He only brings out once glass to drink with, forcing us to share. I feel a familiar tighting in my lower regions as I watch Illya slowly devour our dinner. Illya just looks at me with an amused passion in his eyes. He loves doing this to me. Making me wait and anticipate what is going to happen next. When the meal is finished he rises and takes the dishes back into the kitchen.
"So Napoleon? What would you like to do tonight?" He smiles at me in a knowing way.
"The possibilities are endless." I smile as he holds out his hand and helps me to my feet. From there he leads me into the bedroom to welcome me home.
The next morning I woke up feeling more relaxed then I had in a while. Illya has that effect on me after I have been gone on road trips. I look over and find him still sleeping soundly as he should be. He welcomed me home in a style I have never seen before and I am looking forward to repeating. I slip out of bed and head into the kitchen to get the coffee pot going. It's about the only way to wake the blond one with out shaking him until his teeth rattle. I putter around the kitchen setting things to right when I hear a crash come from the other room. I turn quickly and see nothing. I cautiously step through the open door way to see Illya sprawled inelegantly over the floor. I run over worried that he might have hurt himself and kneel down to see if he is alright. I see he has his eyes closed and he is trying to push himself up with little result. I can hear him muttering something but it takes me a few minutes to figure it out.
"Prokl'atyj eto zastavl'ayet komnatu prekratit' vraschat's'a!" He curses as I help him to his feet. Again I realize he is cursing in russian and I have to wonder what is going on. (Damn it. Make the room stop spinning).
I look at him and something seems different this morning. There is a certain quality to his, his moodiness I have never seen before. I study him a bit more as I help him to his feet.
"Illya are you alright?" He just looks at me and I can see a difference in his eyes, a certain measuring and weighing that I haven't seen in three years. I start to hope that maybe some memories of his weren't completely gone after all.
"Napoleon why are you looking at me that way?" He studies me intently just as I study him.
"Illya how do you feel? Please tell me."
He fixes me with a penetrating gaze for a moment then closes his eyes and sighs. When he opens them all the looks, feelings and hopes I had are gone. The light is gone from his eyes and it is back to how it has been now for the last year.
"I'm fine Polya just the same damn headache that I seem to be waking up with each morning now. Only this time it seems that it wanted to add in dizziness." He smiles at me and heads back into the bedroom to get dressed for the day. I just look at his retreating back and wonder what was happening to him. I return to the kitchen and prepare breakfast for the both of us. It was turning out to be a very interesting morning.
I drove us into work and parked in the underground garage. Illya sits next to me looking out the window but I can see he is not really seeing anything. His mind is turned inward and I wish I knew what he was thinking. I decide I might want to mention this to the medical staff in charge of Illya but then Illya might not be too pleased about it. Together we walked into Del Flora's and I nod my head to the older gentleman. Illya nods but doesn't smile which is odd, he normally does along with stopping to chat. He follows me into the changing room and I turn the hook. We walk in and the lady on duty pins our badges on, well mine she does. Illya takes his from her hand and scowls fiercely at the 34 on it. I could swear I saw him look over at the number 11 that sits on her desk. That number has been retired somewhat. No one is allowed to use it except Illya but he can't since he no longer has the mental capacity for it. I scowl myself wondering what's going on.
"Come on Illya time to get started." I grab his arm and drag him into the main building. When we get to the elevator and I hit the button for 2 floors down he surprises me by hitting the button for the labs.
"Illya what are you doing?" He turns and just smiles his I'm up to something but there is no use for you to guess smile. It makes me shiver when he does that for he very very rarely uses it and when he does it can only mean trouble.
"Don't worry Napoleon its nothing that will hurt you. Now if you will excuse me I have work that needs to get done." I'm am so startled at this that when the doors to the elevator close I don't even try and stop them. I am alone in the little box and think about whether I should go back and demand to know what is going on. Then I think this is Illya and old or new I know better then to try and get information out of him when he is using that smile on me. I press the button for my own floor and start my own day.
Three hours later I was doing paper work when I got a call on the inner office phone. It was the labs calling me to come and get Illya. He was making himself a nuisance and wouldn't leave. Since I was the only one he would listen to it was my job to get him out of there. I smile to myself as I put my work aside, pick up my jacket and walk out the door.
Fifteen minutes later I am standing in front of a seldom used lab room. Its too small and insecure for anything big and important, but in a pinch it is often converted into a lab for visiting scientists. It was here that I found Illya in a lab coat bent over looking at some papers and a bunch of beakers in front of him. I just stand there and stare wondering what was happening to my little russian.
"Yes? Did you need something Napoleon?" Illya doesn't even turn to look at me when he addresses me. He just knew I was there and I could tell he was annoyed with me. Why I don't know but he was.
"Illya your starting to worry me. Tell me what is going on here. Why are you in the labs anyways. You never showed any interest in them before." He spins so fast at that last comment that I worry that he might fall over. He doesn't, he just stands there and glares at me like I have never seen him glaring since we found him. Then he stops and takes a deep breath letting it out in one long sigh. Then he moves over to the tiny couch and sits down. He pats the other side of it indicating that I should sit next to him.
"I'm sorry Polya, it's just that sometimes I just feel so worthless. It hurts knowing that I was a different person before. That I was a person that you could depend on to watch your back and help you with whatever you needed. Now I am the person that is in need of constant guarding. I can't defend myself very well I just don't have the ability. I have tried, taking all those classes, reading everything I could but it just is not very possible for me. That is one of the reasons why I stay in the apartment when you are gone. It is a lot easier for me to stay safe there and knowing you know that makes it easier on me to let you go. Your not constantly worrying about me."
He looks at me and I swear there are tears in the corner of his eyes but they don't fall.
"Napoleon I love you more then anything in the world and I am ashamed of myself for failing you as badly as I have. I have been trying to get some of my old life back by coming down here to see if anything is familiar and it is but only just. I know the memories are gone but I keep hoping for something." He puts his head on his hands and sits there quietly and I feel for him. That is one of the problems he has. He knows what he once was and what he was to me. He also knows that he can't be that person any more and that is the person he wishes more then anything to be.
I gather him into my arms and gently pet him on his back. He snuggles into my embrace and we just sit there for a time. I look at the clock and discover that it is close enough to lunch time that we could go out and get some fresh air.
"Hush my love, listen it's alright. How about we go and get some fresh air and some lunch. We'll take a long lunch and just spend some time together." I watch him carefully and sigh with relief as he nods his head.
"Very well. There is nothing here for me anyways." He said it with such finality that I cringed. I have to think of something before Illya sinks into one of his famous depressions. He is much more emotional now then he used to be. When things get him down it is easier for him to fall into a depression.
"Come Illya we'll take a walk in the park after we get something to eat." I watch as he composes himself then stands. I follow him and we walk out the door. The other staff on the floor look out the windows but don't comment. I think they are grateful that I have so much control over the younger man. We walk down the hall to the elevator get in and head out for lunch.
Illya said that he really wanted a chili dog with the works on it. Now I hate those things with a passion but for him I would do anything. We head to central park were I know of one of the best hot dog vendors around. When we arrive he smiles at us and immediately begins preparing a dog for Illya and it has everything on it. Onions, cheese, sauerkraut, tomatoes, relish, mustard, catsup, chili and somewhere in there a hot dog. Illya is ecstatic and begins to munch. I just take a hot-dog with a little mustard and relish. We go to one of the fountains and sit enjoying the sunshine of the day. Illya I see is taking his time eating meaning that he has something on his mind. I don't push him, he will tell me when he is ready.
"Napoleon lets take a walk. Just wonder around the park. I think I need some air right now." I nod agreement and we both throw our trash in a can before starting our walk. It is a pleasant walk and I enjoyed listening to the birds and the sound of the wind blowing into the trees.
"Polya what's that?" I look where Illya is pointing with his chin. I see a group of men who are acting suspiciously.
"I'm not sure, stay here while I check it out." I point to some bushes indicating he is to hide. He looks at me for a moment and I could see him debating the issue before agreeing. I slink around to get a better view of what is going on.
I sneak closer and get into hearing range. What I hear shocks me, not because of what they are doing but at the time they are doing it. Looks like a major drug deal is going on right under the noses of the NYPD and Uncle since we are here. I pull back a bit and call on my communicator.
"Open channel D."
"Channel D open go ahead Mr. Solo." Waverly's voice comes through loud and clear.
"Sir it looks like Illya and I stumbled upon a drug deal going on. Looks like there are about six men wearing sweats and holding duffel bags. I was able to glimpse into one and saw the drugs. Can you contact the NYPD and see if they know anything about this? I will try and keep an eye on them but they will only be here for another few minutes."
"Very well follow them, I will contact the police. Where is Mr Kuryakin?" Napoleon could hear the concern in the old mans voice. He had always had a soft spot for the russian but since 3 years ago that protective streak had just grown stronger.
"He is hiding right now. Don't worry sir, he's safe."
"Very well be careful the police will be there in 10 minutes. Channel D closed."
I put away my communicator and look at the spot I had left Illya in. I couldn't see him at all which was all to the good. He has grown very good at not being seen if he didn't want to be. It was another trick he learned to keep himself safe so I wouldn't worry about him getting hurt. So imagine my surprise when I felt a presence near my right elbow. I whirled around, pulling my gun at the same time, to see my lover hovering right behind me.
"Illya what are you doing here?" I hissed angrily at him.
"Backing you up of course." He smiles at me in his infuriating way and I don't really have the time to argue with him. But I do it any way. Mr Waverly will have my hide if he gets hurt.
"Listen you know as well as I do that you can't back me up. Now I want you to hide so you don't get hurt." I see him getting ready to argue as well but I stop it with my trump card.
"Illya, Mr Waverly will yell at me for hours if you get hurt. You wouldn't want to get me in trouble with him would you?" I watch him carefully and I swear I saw an evil glint of humor in his eyes. As if he would think it would be the funniest thing in the world to get me in trouble with him. Then he blinks and the look is gone.
"Very well moya lubov, I will hide and stay safe for you. But you have to... Napoleon what's wrong?" I realize I must have been staring at him but I couldn't help it he had spoken russian again. (my love)
"Illya do you know what you just said?" I hold my breath waiting for his answer.
"I will stay safe for you. Now get going." He turns and fades into the brush leaving me frustrated. I swear he is teasing me and knows more about what is going on then what he is willing to tell me right now. But I have a job to do and it needs to be done quickly.
I slink around to where the deal is going on. I am surprised at one point cause I have actually seen one of the men before and I know he works for Thrush. I am thankful that we ran across this when we did. Just as I reach cover in a position that will allow me to cover all the men I can see, my communicator goes off. I watch in disgust at the timing as the men around me swirl trying to find the noise. Some start pulling out guns and thats when I open fire. I am shooting sleep darts so I know any stray bullets will just put a person to sleep for some time. They are not as considerate.
I move out of my hiding spot to another trying to get clear when I feel a sudden flare of pain in my side and leg. I look down and find blood coming out of my side and my leg. Of course as soon as I realize this I collapse under myself, my leg unable to support me any longer. I can hear the dealers yelling at each other as they organize themselves to come after me. Along with screams from just normal civilians. My vision is beginning to swim so I was more startled then I like to admit when it came to this part.
I heard what I can only describe as a roar of rage before I was graced with the sight of my partner standing over me. Because of the noise and confusion going on I forgot for a moment that this was not my old partner but my new one. The one who barely knew how to defend himself and did not know how to shoot a gun. For the man standing above me was meticulously shooting people like he did it every day of his life and there was a mask of calm over his face as he did it. It's over before I know it and I see Illya look down at me at that point. His eyes are bluer then I have ever seen them and I can see a hint of pain there as well. I reach up to comfort him.
"Illya its okay. Don't be scared. I'll take care of everything." Was that a smile on his face. Yes by god it was. He was smiling at me and in amusement as well.
"Napoleon, I think it is I who should be saying that. Relax everything is under control." I am puzzled by his words. Oh not by what he is saying but how he is saying it. Something just doesn't seem right. Soon it becomes impossible for me to keep my eyes open and I can only hear Illya barking commands furiously to someone and he still sounded strange. I hear his voice saying to get me out of here and that he would take care of the clean up then my world went dark.
I wake up and for a moment I don't know where I am. I keep my eyes closed trying to determine just that. From the sounds of things I am in medical. Well thats good but I hate it here. Hopefully I can get out soon. I sense someone nearby so unfortunately I decide to open my eyes. When I do I realize I'm blind, its so dark that I can't see anything. It's a moment before I register the voice.
"Polya, Polya relax your not blind. The lights are just turned down low. Listen to me! Your going to be fine and your not blind."
"Illya? Is that you?"
"Yes love its me. You had me scared for a moment there. I though you were going to jump up and start panicking."
I ignore what he says for the most part and concentrate on his voice. Something is very strange about it. Finally I can't hold it in any more and ask him.
"Illya are you alright? Your voice sounds funny." I hear him chuckling and if I wasn't so concerned and tired I would probably kill him myself.
"My voice Polya? Well I admit that when I am tired my accent gets more pronounced. And I have been under a lot of strain lately." He was smiling I just knew it then what he said registered.
"ACCENT!?! WHAT ACCENT? Illya what are you talking about?"
"Ahh I see the patient is awake finally. Mr Kuryakin I wish to come in please prepare yourself." I hear the rustling of cloth then Illya's voice saying it was okay to come in. The lights turn on and I can finally look over at my blond lover. I am alarmed by what I see. He has a thick black blindfold over his eyes and I just know it is not letting in one ounce of light.
"Illya? Illya are you alright?"
"I will be Polya. Just that the light is affecting my eyes more then is comfortable so they make me wear this."
"Make you wear it? Ha you told us to put it on as soon as you woke up. Now let me look at your partner here and see how he is." Dr Ford came in and smiled fondly at my russian then turned his attention to me. It was not the most pleasant of sensations him poking and prodding me but it was quick. We had both been through the routine.
"Alright mother hen, he is fine. Now can I finally put you to sleep like I know that you need?" I hear Illya sigh before he responds.
"Yes but remember what I said if you are going to do that." Illya turns to me. "Polya I'm going to take a little nap. Don't worry I want to and it is really going to help me for later. When I wake up next I will move in here with you."
"If I say you can."
"Like I said Napoleon when I wake up I will move in here with you."
"Out you trouble making russian rascal." I watch and Dr Ford shoos Illya out and am surprised to see he is in a wheel chair and not trying to walk out on his own feet. I look up and there is a nurse that is grabbing onto his handles and pushing him away.
"Doc... what's wrong with Illya?"
He doesn't answer me right away instead making notes on his clipboard. When he is finished he actually pulls up a chair and sits next to me. I can tell there is about to be a lot of explaining done.
"Napoleon, I don't have all the details. Illya has been more then adamant in watching over you. When he regained consciousness he was determined to be here when you woke up. I'm going to be blunt Napoleon I think you are going to like this surprise."
I look at him and wonder what he is talking about.
"Illya has regained his memories Napoleon." He watches me carefully as I just stare shocked. I couldn't believe what he was saying and my mouth is flopping open like a stranded fish. Then I think back to just a few minutes ago and I realize that the strangeness of his voice is because it was his accent. The same accent he hasn't sported for over three years. I start to struggle to get out of bed.
"Whoa... hold it right there Solo. Your not going anywhere and you don't need to watch over Illya. He is going to be taking a nice, drug induced sleep, for at least the next three days. And before you ask that was at his request." He stops for a moment and looks at me. When I stop trying to get out of bed he continues. "I don't know all the details Napoleon cause as soon as he woke up he insisted on being here until you woke up. But he said that the barrier he had put up has broken at last and that all his memories would come flooding back. Because it was causing a giant sized headache he said it would be easier if he was out during the starting faze. He hasn't told us many details and the psychiatrists are hot and heavy to get at him and ask him all sorts of questions."
I just sit and listen to his voice but not really comprehending what he is saying. All I really hear is that Illya's memories are returning. My true love is coming back to me.
"Napoleon, Napoleon are you listening to me?"
I blink and then return my attention to the good doctor that was grinning at me in a most smug manner.
"Napoleon, I think you should know that I have full care of Illya and you. If you two don't behave then you don't get any playtime together." I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face but I was too happy to hear about my love.
"Doctor, when can I see him?" I am anxious to get back to him.
"In time Napoleon. For now you just need to get better. I will let you know when Illya wakes up."
I just nod at him, I'm still in shock somewhat from hearing that Illya is regaining his memory."
Three days later and I have yet to see my lover at all. I have been told over and over again that he is sleeping well and no problems have shown up with him. Myself, I am fidgety and irritable. I want my Illya but they won't let me out of the bed except to go to the bathroom and even then there are two heavy section three guys around to make sure I do as I am told. Today is the third day and I hope to see him soon. They keep telling me that they are not going to force him awake that they are just going to let him sleep himself out.
Noon comes and goes and still I don't hear anything about my partner. I can say that now, at least I hope I can. With the return of his memories hopefully he will want to work by my side again. I try and relax and read but soon am frustrated. I don't want to read, I want to sit and cuddle with my russian! I start to growl again and just as I am getting into a real foul mood I hear a chuckle. I swivel around and there in the door way, sitting in a wheel chair is my love.
"Illya, finally!" I exclaim. "Come here, what happened to you." I start to get out of the bed but he holds his hand up to stay me. I still and just look at him. The first thing I notice even though I didn't think about it was he was wearing the blindfold again. I gulp thinking the worst.
"Not to worry Polya. The blindfold is just to spare me any headaches. I can see perfectly fine in very dim lighting. The light is what hurts me." I feel relief at his words but wonder at the wheelchair.
"I know what your thinking. Why am I sitting in a wheel chair when I normally hate all things hospital?" Damn is he reading my mind.
"It is because my balance right now is shot to hell. I can't stand for more then a few moments without extreme vertigo hitting me. When the headache and sensitivity to light go away I should be able to stand normally."
"Illya what happened?" I am eagerly awaiting his answer. I have waited for three years wanting to hear this answer. I watch as he sighs rolling the chair into the room more.
"Napoleon it is a long story that I don't know if I want to tell it right now."
"I should hope not young man. You promised us all that you would tell all once you woke up. Mr Waverly will be down shortly, if you plan on telling the story. Otherwise into your bed you go for another nap. Don't think I didn't see you wincing when you woke up." Dr Ford strides in behind Illya and pushes him closer to my bed.
"No I don't really want to tell it right now. I'm starting to get a headache again and believe I need to lie down." I watch as Illya starts to slump in his chair and before I can reach him Dr Ford is wheeling him out and down the hall. I wait worried for the doctors return and to hear about my partner. It was only a few minutes before his return.
"Don't worry Napoleon. He is resting comfortably and he said just before he nodded off completely he will get stronger. I am really looking forward to when he can tell us what happened to him. The shrinks really want to get hold of him. Their convinced this is a new very powerful technique."
I simply look at the man with the worry evident in my face. I just want to be with Illya and know in my heart that he will be okay. Only Illya can give me that reassurance right now. Dr Ford must have seen this for his eyes softened and when he spoke to me again there was a lot of caring in his voice.
"Napoleon, it will be alright. Once he finishes this nap I will have him brought in here. He is physically fine, he just needs rest."
"Very well Doctor but I am counting on you." He nods his head then leaves me to rest.
He was as good as his word. The next morning Illya was wheeled in amongst much grumbling and cursing that he could walk just fine. Never-mind he was in a wheel chair just yesterday. I smile to myself at hearing this noise. It is just more proof that his memory had returned and he was turning back into his old feisty self. I watch as he is wheeled in wearing the blindfold still and shaking his fist at the orderlies pushing him.
"Damn it I am just fine! I don't need to be coddled this way, let me out of this thing! I want to see Napoleon!" Whined the irate Russian.
"Mr Kuryakin, we are now in Mr Solo's room so you can stop your bellyaching. If you don't I will knock you out until next thursday, is that understood?" I watch in amusement as my partner shuts up. For a man wearing a blindfold he still manages to cultivate an air of extreme sulkiness.
"Illya don't worry. Your in here now and not going anywhere." I see Illya turn his head towards the sound of my voice and his attitude immediately cheers up.
"Napoleon finally. They kept telling me that I would have to wait until you woke up before they would move me in here."
I smile at him even though he can't see it. I truly love him and just knowing that his memories are back relieves a lot of my worries. Once he is released he will be able to protect himself. Then I think to myself and realize that with the return of his memories also means the return of his true stubbornness and attitude. It was already materializing as I just watched him being wheeled in.
I watch as the orderlies impersonally lift my partner up and place him in a bed next to me. I can see his wince of pain from here as well but don't comment on it since he doesn't. On the other hand Dr Ford sees it and immediately begins preparing something to shoot into his IV.
"Here you go Mr Kuryakin something to help with the pain." I also notice that Illya doesn't complain when the shot is given.
"Thank you." I watch as Illya tries to settle himself in while blind. It takes some doing but he manages and sighs in relief. Then he turns his head not towards me but towards the door. "I think I hear Mr Waverly coming." I turn my head and listen myself and he's right, he is coming through the door now.
"Well young man, it is about time you woke up. I believe you have quite a bit of explaining to do."
"Yes sir. Were you going to have those other doctors in here?" From his tone I could tell he was talking about the shrinks. I could also hear his disgust and hope that they wouldn't be included.
"No Mr Kuryakin, I feel that they would just make this story longer." I watch as some of the tension goes out of his body then.
"Very well. Where would you like me to start?"
"At the beginning. The very beginning." Mr Waverly sits down in a comfortable chair that had been brought in for him and I lean back in my bed.
"Alright I guess I should start with when I got captured. It was the normal mad scientist trying out new mind control drug. He was explaining the process to me and how it would erase my mind and that sort of nonsense. But as he explained his theory and how he was going to go about doing it I did become a little concerned for it sounded feasible and simple to do once it started. As he was injecting me with the drugs I could feel myself becoming more open to his suggestions. I fought it but it was hard and I knew I wasn't going to win." I watched Illya pause while he concentrated on what he was saying. I could even see some sweat forming and I hoped Illya would have the strength to continue.
Dr Ford saw the same thing and he did something that I would be forever grateful for.
"Illya just a moment. Here drink some water while I move a few things." He handed my blond a glass then stepped outside for a second. He called and two orderlies came in again and actually helped move my bed enough that I could reach out and touch Illya. I eagerly reach out and held my lovers hand. I feel the tension flow out of him at that point and realize just how much he had been on edge. He holds the cup out and Dr Ford takes it and places it on a table. Illya continues.
"Well as he was getting more and more into trying to play with my mind the more worried I became. I knew that if I fell to what he was trying to do that I would never be the same again. As I tried to think of a way out of this mess I remembered something I had learned only in theory in my early training." He didn't mention that the early training came from when he was in the GRU. "It was a technique that was only taught to a select few because we had photographic memories. Normally it is a type of memory suppression that another places on oneself. That way there is a trigger word that will bring the memories back, we have similar techniques but this one wipes the mind completely blank and allows whatever learning is necessary to do the job. " He leans back onto the bed and I can see him shaking a bit. I give him a gentle squeeze which he returns.
"Well I didn't have much time left so I did the best I could. I started breathing deeply and ignoring everything going on. Really annoyed my captor as well." I could see his smile at that. "I starting concentrating on my memories and storing them behind an iron clad wall. I had no choice in this. Well as I started storing more and more memories I knew that I would need a cue that would allow my memories to be free. Well I didn't think I would have a chance to tell you and I didn't think I would be able to remember a key word I placed anyways. I had to modify the technique since I was the one doing it to myself. Finally I settled on feelings." I see him turn towards me and I realize that even though I can't see it I knew he was displaying all his love for me.
"Napoleon the only thing I could hope for was feelings. My feelings for you. My trust in you and..." Here he hesitated for a moment before continuing. "My loyalty to you, my devotion to you and ultimately my love for you."
I didn't look but I heard the gasps from the other people. They had made the same connection that I had in that brief statement.
"Illya that was a huge risk you took. What would have happened to you if I hadn't felt the same way about you as you did about me?"
"It is simple Napoleon, I would have been forever blocked. I would continue as I have for the last three years. I would simple be devoted to you and dependent on you for what happiness I could get."
I grab his hand in both of mine and pull him towards me. I heard Dr Ford make some sort of protest but I ignored him. I pulled until Illya was sitting on my bed and held him in my arms. I watch as the doctor comes towards us shaking his head and just positions Illya's IV better.
"My God Illya. What might have happened to you if I hadn't loved you." I just nuzzle into his hair and hold him against me. He doesn't protest he just waits until I can control myself. As I hold him some things from the beginning begin to make a whole lot more sense.
"Thats why you trusted me on sight when you woke up."
"Thats why. It was the only trigger I could come up with. It is harder to block feelings compared to memories. So I trusted only you on sight it was the only thing I could do." I can tell he can feel me trembling still and he turns as best he could to look me in the eyes even if he has a blind fold. "Napoleon I do not regret what I had to do to survive. I do not regret that I might never have regained my mind. I would only regret that you would not be able to move on from here and stay with me."
"Illya nothing will ever take you away from me."
"There you are wrong Mr. Solo. Mr Kuryakin will have quite a bit of time away from you once you are better." I glance up at Mr Waverly as he stands and walks towards us. "Once you are able to resume your duties you will be busy reorganizing section two."
"Mr Kuryakin will be put into therapy to bring him back to field agent condition. Not to mention he will be working with section eight and getting his neglected projects set back up. Yes, young men, both of you are going to be very busy for the next few months."
"Umm sir what about us. At least in a personal sense. I mean when Illya was without his memories it was okay but now?"
"Mr Solo as long as you perform up to the high standards I have come to expect from you I don't care. Mr Kuryakin it will be the same for you but you will be given more time. I expect you both to get into shape quickly." He comes to stand next to Illya and bends down to whisper something into his ear. I try to listen but it is too quiet. I only have Illya's stiffening to realize something was wrong. A few minutes later he stands again and heads back towards the door.
"Dr Ford make sure both are 100 percent before returning them to me. I don't want to waste my time otherwise."
"Yes sir." He turns back to us and gently puts Illya back onto his own bed. He tucks him in and smiles to me. "Don't worry Napoleon both of you will be fine and I promise to take my time in returning you to field status."
"Thank you." I watch as he turns the lights down and closes the door. I know now that we have a long way to go but at least it has started. I turn towards Illya and see him smiling slightly.
"Illya what did Mr Waverly say to you. I couldn't hear anything and he was right there."
"Ahh that was the interesting part. I remember his concern for me over the last three years." Now the russian was laughing I could tell with the way he was trying to muffle it.
"He said that if I ever put him though this type of worry again that he would personally see to it that I never left the building again if that was the only way to keep me safe."
"But he is planning on putting you into the field again?"
"Yes he is but he is talking about if I ever block my memories up with out someway to retrieve them quickly."
"Oh well then I can see your point. He was awfully worried about you all this time."
"I know and I hope never to have to do this again." He pauses and turns his head towards me. "Polya I want you to know that I will always trust and love you. It was your love that broke the wall and freed me."
"I know." Now I pause for just a moment, remembering and finally understanding those three words Illya had told me so long ago. "Also know that I will love you forever and beyond. You will be able to count on me always."
"Thank you Polya, but now I think I need to sleep. I am feeling extremely tired and I haven't even been up long."
"Then sleep love and know I will be here to guard your sleep and make your dreams come true."
"The same applies to you. I will be here whenever you need me."
And as I watched him slip into sleep I again marvel at the miracle that made him mine. He will always be a part of me and on the day he leaves me he will not have to wait long for me to follow him. He belongs to me and I to him. Together we are unstoppable, separated we are nothing. I reach over and take his hand and gave one last gentle squeeze. He returns it barely and I smile even as I close my own eyes and follow him into sleep.
Sorry if the russian translations are not perfect but this was the closest I could come to what I wanted them to say. I used this web-page to get them from. Thanks to Kellie and her story Safe Harbor for finding the link for me. Kellie didn't read this story but I am grateful for that bit of help that I really needed.